Sisters. Can’t live with, can’t live without!

After a long long time I didn’t update my entry, finally I’m back. Currently I am in my semester break, alhamdulillah, and I have another one week left before I’m back to my routine life (student life). To those who questioned why i said student life, I will write another entry dishing out about this, so be patient ya. Thus, before I rambling things, let’s highlight my topic of my post today which is about …

S-I-S-T-E-R-S!

To those who didn't know, I have a sister who is 5 years younger than me and her resemblance to me makes people questioned us if we are identical twins. Well, if you see us closely, we might be passed as a twin because we share the same shape of eyes, the same smile style, same body size and same face features. Just, I am two tone darker than her. And the only difference is, she doesn't wear glasses, which i am. I like it when people mistook us. I even convinces her, "lets just pretend we are twins lah. Why bother to deny?". However she hates the idea. Very much. *evil laugh*

I always be thankful to Allah s.w.t for Him to sent me a good sister in my life because I believe that having a good companions which is in context of blood ties is like having the most priceless treasure in this world.

For me, I have spent my whole freaking life (minus diploma n degree days) living with my sister, side by side with each other. We share the same room, the same bed, same clothes even same makeups (this one involuntarily) *rolled eyes*.

In my early days before I enter adulthood, I never look at my sister as a good companion to me as she always wanting to follow me everywhere I go, whatever I want and everything I do. Every single dot, she would follow after. It is to the point I am so annoyed with her and burst in anger toward her saying that she doesn’t own identity and looks like a clown following me for every single time. My mom even say that she don’t know why I hate her so much because we grown up together and usually the elder one would like the younger one which is in this context I would love her unconditionally, but she cannot brain why I hate my sister so much when she is so dearly to her and cutie to everyone. Gosh~~~

However, become an adult right now, I finally come to my consciousness that Allah swt indeed is the best planner. Why? Because right now I love her a lot! Like a lot. Too much than you all can ever imagined. It’s naturally lifted up. The burden and hatred that I’ve ever had before towards her. And I even wonder why I didn’t feel this sooner?

As time goes by, the presence of her in my life getting stronger and I would freak out if she is not there, beside me, as I am comfortable when she is around me. I talk to her regularly, we always hang out together, we spent a lot of time with each other and we share a lot of our rollercoaster life moments with each other which is why I extremely attached to her right now.

And when I came across the quotes that says “Sisters, Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!” today, I feel the pain sharply stabbed through my heart and the feel is deeper than the ocean cause she is not there. Beside me. As always. Because she’s back. For good.

For a months we stayed together and now we need to get back to our own temporary life which is student’s life, its hard adjusting myself back. I even recalled back few nights before she go back, she suddenly fidgeting when it is the time for me to check my first semester result, *as her result came out early and she hide it from me* and  suddenly she said she wants to do a confession. I was like ‘what? Why right now?’ and I could see that she breath in slowly and mustered up her courage before confessing something that I believe is the scariest thing for her to share with. My reaction that time? Shooketh! I went blanked! Trying to figure things out. I sort of blank and shocked to the point I can’t even think straight. But after pausing for a 10 seconds, I wrapped her into a warm hugs and whispering “Its okay…its okay…” for a hundred of times. Not knowing that its not going to be okay as you wishhhh.

She’s breakdown, wailing like there’s no tomorrow, crying out loud, drenched in tears, not knowing what to do next. At that time, I realise that my sister is surely 21. Before this, I used to think that she is 26 like me but I guess she is not. She is still young, and there’s so many things to discover other than that freaking result. Ohh yeah, before you imagining what confession that she make, it is about her examination result guys! Don’t worry!

She’s often known as a chic gal’s in my family and to the outsider, so seeing her being like this in front of me makes my heart sinking. She is known to be the top achiever among her school friends so when she failed to stand along the lines with her top friends, she fall down and experience a huge shame. And this matter indeed makes me reflected upon myself asking what would I feel if I am in her shoes right now? I can only say that everything would be okay because I am not experiencing these myself but what would I do if I am in her shoes? Would I be okay?

I’ve come to realise that I am super selfish to expect that she would passed with flying colors during her first semester because of her ‘paling pandai’ title because it is totally unfair to her. The situation itself is hard to adapt to as she is from a merely ordinary school before and the teaching style are much laid back as compared to her current situation, so I bet she is stress over herself. Moreover, I used to be in her shoes before, so I know what kind of thoughts that running on her mind and what kind of feelings that she is experiencing right now. It’s tough! But I hope she’s gonna be okay by herself stand up strong against this matter. There is this quote’s, “fall down sixth times, standing up at seventh”. Means that you will be tripped over many times in life, but each time you fall, stand up stronger than before.  Plus, I believe that this gonna mark the first failure in her degree journey, so lesson learned. Believe me, degree’s life is not easy mayn!!!

You know what else I learned? That tough night reveal our truest sisterships! *okay sorry for the make up words* I finally can connect to her what are the things that we most fear, what typical makcik² bawang would say if they know our result doesn’t follow their standard, and what our parents would think of, when they know we are not as excellence as they expected because they have been taught that grades are everything. “You need to get 3.5 and above to be praise”, “You need to be an exemplary student in your faculty to makes people awe with your success”, “You have to enter the 1^st ranking university so that people would envied you” with the promise that if you managed to get all these thing, success is yours for the taking.

And to me, that’s a total bullshit! Why should people ruined other people life? My sister almost facing a dead-end and even have a ‘I want to quit university’ thought before reaching me to share all this, so I am forever grateful that she at least passed half of her burden to me so that she would never feel that she’s walking alone in this journey. Even-though you keep drain me dry sister, please never forget that you also inspire me to keep walking towards my dream. Truly, you’re a blessing in disguise!

I constantly pray for your happiness and your future undertakings, so please don’t stress over this things. Please know that you have been blessed to make it so far, and we are so proud of you, and thank you for always being the best companion I’ve ever asked for!

So to my sister, I dedicated this post especially for you because through you, I learn a lot of things, and through you also I am grateful for most of thing. Don’t be discouraged and always fly high! I love you lillahitaala.

Xoxo,

Your annoying-yet-most-lovely-sisthor